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Question: Serious negative feelings in this LS

Dear Lounge Advice,

My partner and I have been in this for about three years now. Sometimes, I can handle our interactions fine and other times I cannot. When I feel like I am being put aside for him to have the opportunity to engage other women (whether true or not) I get very upset and wind up causing a huge drama. I do not want to feel like this or get so upset, and I do not want to cause drama but I cannot seem to not react to my feelings of jealousy abandonment and aloneness when I see him with another woman.

It was actually much easier for me in the begining. It was all about fun. I enjoyed soft swap very much, but full swap from the first experience brought me to tears and has continued to do so about half of the time.

I have talked to my man about this and he says that we cannot move forward until I have dealt with this issue. I agree with him and think this is obviousy a very good idea. The things is, I have been trying. I have been reading your advice column, I have been reading self help books, I have been journaling, and even talking to one very close vanilla friend about this. So far the positive results have been minimal.

In the meantimes, the nature of our bond has changed. (no doubt because of the drama and the hurt this has cause both of us) In the last month before our last play session (which ended with me blowing up) we had not kissed eachother on the mouth in about a month.

I am pretty sure that I cannot really handle this very well, and I know that I am destroying my partners good time. I think I could handle a hall pass situation better, but I really do not think he is into this all that much. He says his fun is in us doing it together, which logically should make me feel much better that I am teh one he wants to do this with. Somehow all of the logical arguments do not seem to affect my emotional state.

How do you suggest we move forward from here. Or even better yet, can you suggest somethings taht I or we can do to help me deal with my feelings of abandonment and lonliness when we play. I am forwarding a copy of this to my man in hopes that he will see I am trying and also look to your answer to see what we can do as a couple to make this work, or what I need to do to make this work.

Falling to pieces

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You move forward from here without the lifestyle.
I know you might both hate to hear this, but I rarely tell people to withdraw completely.
You two obviously do not have a solid foundation of trust and security in your relationship. Continued involvement in this lifestyle will lead to the end of your relationship.
So, from me, I have absolutely NO advice about continued play in the lifestyle.

If you both feel that you need to continue in this lifestyle, then your relationship is not the priority.

It's time to make a tough decision.

It's either you and him building YOUR relationship, or bust.
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