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Question: My BF keeps acting shady

Dear Lounge Advice,
open minded?
I guess I have been trying to read and gain knowledege and understanding -- but I think I'm starting to feel my situation is unique? I guess I'm looking for a direction, or some explanation.

I will start by saying that my boyfriend has a lot more sexual energy/website/chat/sexual experience than me. He has been on these websites for years behind his partner's backs (because he did not think they would be accepting that he enjoys watching porn, or chatting fantasies with others). I have confronted about a single profile of him on AFF before (which he shortly closed), so then we had a couple profile together on another site, and with my hunches... I ended up finding a male only profile of him on here. I was hurt. He claimed that he is on these things for fantasy and nothing else, and begged and pleaded with me to understand. So to help fulfill his sexual tendencies, we came on this site together to gain more experiences. We are true to the part of exploring our erotic side, but now I see him on here all the time, and at times, found out he's not honest with other lifestylers (pretends he is me) ? I am just confused about if this is normal for males? Are we really ready for this? Do I trust or am I overlooking the red flags to what all of this is? I know it's about sharing, but he still remains private about some of the interactions (Even if they are with other guys, and not like he's planning inappropriate meetings with other people) I am very confused about being open minded, but maybe a door mat.

Thank you for your time.



Dear (Anonymous),

I'm sorry, but I have to be blunt here.
You ARE being a doormat. You have all of the evidence in hand to prove that he is highly untrustworthy.

Do you really want to keep going through this at the expense of your self-esteem and security? If you stay with this guy and keep allowing him to appease you with crappy excuses, then you are deserving of this treatment.

Have some dignity and pride and make a positive decision for yourself and your own peace of mind. There are a LOT of very good men out there that you could be with. This guy is most certainly not one of them.
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