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Question: Hubby wants an emotional connection with partners

Dear Lounge Advice,
We have been swinging for a couple years and been with a few couples in full swap. My hubby has been having fun but until recently has never felt a strong connection with his partner. We always play together and have enjoyed watching each other. A couple of times, we did not play again with a couple because I did not want him to take one for the team. He is much more selective than I am, but that is ok by me. He also has never until swinging had sex without being in love. This worried me at first because I did not want him falling in love with partners. He is always able to perform and enjoy but it still has not been great for him. . . Until our last full swap! He and the wife really hit it off mentally and physically. She was just his type. I enjoyed seeing them have sex but after when we were all lying together in bed talking, he kept reaching over to stroke her forehead and at least once gave her this look of love that he only gives me, and only in very close situations. Then when we were all saying our goodbyes, he and she took quite a while longer hugging and slowly kissing, looking hard intoneach others eyes. Itnreally freaked me out. We talked it through later and he completely understood what I said and felt but he says he wants to have that more intense love type relationship with his playmates and that I should not be threatened by it. He says it does not mean he is really in love with them, or at least not for longer than that night, and he reassured me he will not develop relationships privately with playmates. I still worry because his history of not separating love from sex is concerning and I do not want such an intense emotional relationship with playmates, either for him or me. Any advice would be very helpful. I am feeling controlling and like I am being insecure.

Confused about hubby needing emotional connections



Dear (Anonymous),

Well, you have reason to be insecure about this. It would cause unease to most of us. If he needs that feeling, then perhaps you should both set a limit on the number of encounters you have with those certain couples. This way, nothing can spiral out of control, and he still gets to have what he needs. But if you are still not of a state of mind to even handle that scene even for once, then you two need to talk about a compromise. Neither one of you can fulfill your wishes because it will end up leaving the other in the lurch. So just talk and see if you can come up with a solution that feels comfortable for both of you. If you can't come to a mutual agreement, this lifestyle is going to be hard on one of you.
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