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Question: Excessive touching and attention to other women

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are a married couple who has been in the lifestyle for about 4 years. While I am very sexually open-minded, my husband is the one who is extremely flirtacious and sometimes (according to me) a little too "handsy" when we're at clubs or parties. My concerns with this are threefold:

1) while he has never had a negative comment (or swing taken at him!) what if his physical advances are actually unappreciated and thus, painting us in a poor light as a couple?

2) is his touching another woman suggesting to her and her partner that WE are interested in them as a couple? More often than not, I'm not attracted to the male counterpart which causes a rift between me and my Mr. when I have to ask him to put on the brakes.

3) often his behaviour makes me feel excluded; should he not be putting my comfort levels first? I loathe to be "that couple" with all the drama but while we both profess to want to be in the lifestyle we can't get on the same page. I'd like him to act more like "all the other husbands" at an event and his postion is that if he can't "be himself" then he'd rather not go. He doesn't want to temper his behaviour as he says flirting and the pursuit are his favourite part. We both believe that monogamy is generally unrealistic and that being in the lifestyle is a way to safeguard against , and his unwillingness to meet me in the middle, I'm not sure how to remain happily active in the lifestyle.... Communication ISN'T our issue - we've discussed this ad naseum!



Dear (Anonymous),

He REALLY needs to curb the excessive touching. I know that it would make me very uncomfortable if someone did that to me. I'll bet that other women feel the same, and may just be acting nice so as not to look like bitches or prudes.
But the main thing here is that it's concerning YOU. If he knows that you aren't comfortable with this, he needs to STOP.
If he continues doing this, he's an ass and he needs a wake-up call. That would be in the form of "Hey, you really need to check yourself or you're going to scare off other people, or scare me away from this whole lifestyle".
Perhaps it's just time to be blunt and lay it on the line.
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