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Question: Double Standard

Dear Lounge Advice,

My girlfriend and I decided to see what the lifestyle was all about two years ago. Our relationship had started as a bit of an open relationship or fling but then go serious so we went monogamous but both knew the traditional relationship was not for us.

Before we decided to be monogamous, I told my GF we did not have to go the traditional route and that I would be okay with keeping things open. She declined and I accepted. We agreed to only play together. At first we just liked to watch and be watched. Then we started meeting individual couples and getting more involved at parties.

Recently, I have found out that my girlfriend has been playing without me. I really do not have a problem with it because I am interested in doing the same but have just been honoring her wishes to remain monogamous. However, I recently decided to play on my own and my gf lost her mind. She acknowledged she was being unreasonable but still said it was not okay and agreed to stop doing it herself. As much as I know she loves me, and all the wonderful things she does to show it and as up front and honest as she is about almost everything - I am relatively sure it will just be a matter of time before she cannot resist the temptation again.

What would be a good way to handle the situation? I do not mind her playing on her own as long as it is not a double standard. Since we again agreed not to do it because she got upset when I did it, is it actual cheating if she does it again on her own? I'd be fine with playing alone or not but I am NOT okay with a double standard. I greatly appreciate your advice!



Dear (Anonymous),

She was playing alone without your knowledge. That is called cheating.
If she does it again, she will have chosen to cheat on you once more. And my gut tells me that you are correct in saying that it's only a matter of time.
Not wanting a double standard is extremely reasonable. She should either agree to NOT play alone, or that it's ok for both of you to play alone. Obviously, she cannot handle you doing this, so she needs to abstain as well.

If she cannot respect this, then you need to reevaluate this relationship and its priorities.
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