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Question: What should I do when my girlfriend decribes a sexual fantasy during lovemaking, but afterwards, when I ask her if she really wants that, she says no?

Dear Lounge Advice,
When ever my girlfriend describes a sexual fantasy, it always involves the two of us and another woman (or two)focusing their attentions on her while she and I make love. When I ask her if this is something she would like to try, she says no. But it's clear that the idea really turns her on.

Obviously, I don't want to pressure her to do anything she doesn't want to do, but I can't help feeling that she really wants this but is too afraid to make the leap. I want her to feel comfortable exploring her fantasies. I should tell you that she very much enjoys it when I "tell her what to do", so she may be waiting for me to press the issue. But I don't want to be a jerk who pushes an activity just because it turns me on. Any suggestions on how to proceed here?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You may want to try starting with an way which many of us share as a common memory of how we got into the lifestyle... and that is to take her to a local titty bar. When Zoey first voiced her interest in women we were on our way with a few straight couples to a titty bar and she admited that she was curious about being with a women.

A word of caution... this can turn into a very expensive experience rather quickly.

In any case, its a good way for her to experience another woman dancing naked next to her... and see how she feels after that.

The lifestyle is much more mainstream today than it was 7 years ago when we began. There is also much more information in this website and others to help her realize that "normal" people do have the ability to make those fantasies become realities.

You may wish to send her to our regular website at www.zacnzoey.com which is geared towards newbies and curious women/couples.

Sometimes through the stories of others you find many elements which are common with your own.

You are right however, that pushing her is only going to put you that much further away from it being a reality... however... you can guide her to more information which may curb some of her fears.... rather than pushing.

If you push hard at all.. she will be questioning your motivations now.. and forever.

One last point... you didnt mention how long the two of you have been dating. Partaking in the fun of the lifestyle really requires a strong base of trust and honesty in a relationship. Even if you have been together for a long time does not necessarily mean that you have built up what it takes to not have it bring up some problems. Trust us.. we have seen our share of fighting and crying...

Good luck and let us know how it turns out !!!

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