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Question: How could we have handled this differently?

Dear Lounge Advice,

Last weekend we made plans to meet up with some LS friends at a new club in the area. We Pricelined a hotel room near the event, as did they, and we were set to meet up with them at the new club at 8 PM. At 3 PM, the event organizers emailed everyone and said that the play areas were not ready and would not be available for use that night, but that the club was still going to open as scheduled. Our friends texted us soon after that and said that they didn't want to go to that club anymore and that they wanted to go to the other club we usually go to. So we said we'd go, even though we were losing the money spent on the hotel room (as were they) and didn't really want to go to the club we always go to because we really wanted to see (and hook up with) our friends. We ended up meeting at the other club, and when we arrived, they were hanging out with another couple they knew. For the rest of the evening the six of us hung out drinking and talking and flirting. At one point, we started to talk to another group of people in the hall by the play rooms and when we were finished, our friends and the other couple had disappeared. We looked around for them and deduced that the four of them went into a room together. At that point, I got very upset and told my husband that I wanted to leave, so we did.

The next day, I texted the wife half of our friends, and stated that we left when we were unable to find them. She casually responded that they got pulled into a room and figured we had left when they came out and couldn't find us. I then asked if we had moved into the "friend zone" with them and she was a bit evasive, saying that she "couldn't say for sure," "if it happens it happens," and that "we love hanging out with you guys. . . always a good time." I've just let it slide since that last text, but hubby and I still kind of hurt by the whole thing. Don't get us wrong, we understand that people change their mind or find another option that they prefer, but I guess we're upset because of the concessions we made to get together with them that night and that they didn't give us a heads up that they were probably going to get together with the other couple that night. Are we over-reacting, or did we drop the ball by not getting them to explicitly agree to "getting together" before we went out? Any advice on how we should have handled this differently? Or were they out of line?

Feeling Dissed and Disappointed



Dear (Anonymous),

I think things were just assumed, and anytime that assumptions replace actual communication, it's a slippery slope. You happened to be on the receiving end of assumption's consequences.

So, what to learn from this experience? Don't assume anything will happen, no matter how obvious the 'set-up' seems. If you had your sights set on an exclusive playdate with them, this should have been communicated. Perhaps if that was the case, then they would have acted differently.

As with many issues that arise in the lifestyle, communication should have been the preventative medicine for the situation.

It couldn't hurt to relay your feelings to them about this, but at this point, it may place them in an awkward situation, especially if they truly do feel that the sexual chemistry has passed. Tread lightly and consider their feelings too as your proceed. This may just be one of those situations that calls for licking your wounds for a short while and moving on with dignity.
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