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Question: Feelings of Jealousy

Dear Lounge Advice,
My boyfriend and I are new to the lifestyle together and I'm completely new to the lifestyle. I really enjoy playing and meeting openminded, adventurous people. There is, however, some problems I'd like to hear views on. First, There have been some situations in which I start to feel a little jealous. Second, when we play we usually don't end up playing with each other at all, after I hate that we didn't interact a whole lot.
I am not and have never been a jealous person but after starting to play the jealous feel would arise. Is it ok to get jealous while in the lifestyle as long as your not hostile about it? Does getting jealous mean you shouldn't be in the lifestyle at all? I loved watching him with women While am with others (women or man) but he does things with these other ladies that he hasn't done with me that I'd love to try. I always think, why didn't he try that with me first. There was no anger just an "aw man" kind of feeling. But I want to address it because it feels like jealousy which is not a feeling I like.
To address the second issue, We always play together (a rule) Almost every time we play we never end up playing with each other. We are both to blame but after things calm down, I HATE that we didn't play. It's making a disconnect for me to him, sexually, because it's like we are two separates playing with a couple. We have an amazing love together! I just don't know how to approach the issues. I'd like to make a rule that we have to play together ever time we play or before we play with anyone else we play together, so we don't accidentally leave the other out? Does that sound reasonable? Something about it doesn't sound right but I kind of think it's necessary. Has anyone run into this?



Dear (Anonymous),

I think that perhaps your jealousy is more like disappointment because he's doing things that you'd like to do with him. Jealousy is a fairly common issue with couples that are new to the lifestyle and can be overcome with communication and reassurance from your partner.
Here's exactly what you need to do: take everything you wrote to me and express those exact things to him. They need to be voiced. If you don't bring those things up, you're going to continue feeling the way you do.
Communication is so critical. It can make or break you.
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