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Question: Jealousy

Dear Lounge Advice,

My boyfriend and I are curious about the lifestyle. He is more curious than I am to be honest, at this point. He is a "hot" black man that women want to be with here in MN. They want to try a BBC. I want to swing if only I can be with another black man like him. I am concerned about getting jealous. He has done adult film before, so sex has a different meaning to him and he likes to try new things. I know he loves me and our sex together is great. He feels if we swing together, it will only enhance our sex life and make him appreciate me. How do you put the jealousy into perspective and control the jealous feelings?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Jealousy is a rather common issue that arises with new couples to the lifestyle. A twinge is natural and to be expected until you're both more comfortable with it. Too much is a warning sign that there is insecurity or a lack of something between the couple. The best thing for keeping jealousy under control is communication. Be up front with him and let him know that this is a worry. Express that you need to move slowly in order to acclimate.
You both need to sit down and talk about possible scenarios and your honest reactions in those cases.what if he does something with another woman that he hasn't done with you? Talk it out. Also, what you both need to settle on is a non-verbal signal that you can use with each other that signals that one of you is uncomfortable with what is going on.
For example: my last partner and I decided on a squeeze of a hand. If we were both 'busy' and either one of us became uncomfortable, that gesture meant that we stopped playing and got right back with one another. Then we would whisper to each other what's going on and decode on a quick course if action. Afterwards, I ALWAYS made it a point to communicate about the event, especially about feelings.
Keep the communication open and extensive, always. And at any point in the game you just aren't into thus LS, speak up. You are priority number one to him and he should ultimately respect your feelings and wishes.
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