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Question: Newbie expectations

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I are very interested in swinging, but we DEFINITELY need to take things slowly. Are there any couples willing to just hang out and get to know each other, or are people generally impatient with a couple like us? Meaning are most only interested in a full swap hookup right away, or do you think we can find people willing to take it a bit slower. Also, if we're (initially at least) interested only in both wives having sex with each other(my wife is very bi-curious), and no swap but same room sex with our respective spouses, is that something common, or do most couples simply ignore "newbies" who are testing the waters for a couple more willing to go further, faster? Also, we're interested in visiting a swingers club just to hang out and get a feel for things. Can you suggest a classy place in the New York City area? Thank you for any advice you can give us.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Generally, in our lifestyle, people are very respectful of boundaries, as long as you state them openly. The key is communication. If you communicate your preferences, people will most likely respect them. I haven't heard very many stories of newbies being pushed too hard when they have voiced their comfort levels.
As for a local club, I haven't been to the New York scene in quite some time. I'd suggest either asking in the forums here on LL or seeking out a local NY couple to e-mail. Feel free to ask local members about the local scence. That's what I did when I moved to Dallas and people were very friendly and obliging.
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