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Question: 10 Years of Advice-A Resurrection

Well folks- it has officially been 10 years since I have started doing advice for fellow lifestylers. I can't believe it! As a celebration, I'll be posting some oldies but goodies from the earlier years over the next month. Enjoy ;)



Dear (Anonymous),

Five Scenarios That Hinder Swingers’ Online Success
By Lifestyle Expert Robyn Scott

Swinging couples and singles represent a huge spectrum of shapes, sizes and general appearance. General beliefs of those new to approaching the lifestyle usually encompass a preconceived notion of how the general swinging population looks. Contrary to beliefs, there is a match for just about anyone who puts forth the effort to make the connection. So, if you feel that your ‘look’ may not garner attention in the lifestyle, here are some of the main reasons for a lack of lifestyle success. You’ll find that looks don't rank as high on the list as you may think..

1) Photo No Shows

Cause: A profile contains no photos

Effect: Your chances of making a successful match will decline dramatically. Remember that matchmaking of any type usually involves the need for a physical attraction. Without pictures, others will be hesitant to correspond with you. Your profile text may contain an appealing description of your physical attributes, but swingers are often visually driven. Be prepared to be asked for photos of you.

2) Photo No-No’s

Cause: The photos are either non-representative or unflattering.

Effect: This has less to do with what you look like and everything to do with how you present yourself. If you are a couple, you will need to include photos of each partner. Too often, a couple’s profile is jam-packed with tantalizing photos of the female, but nothing of the male. Remember, the ladies want a sneak peak at what the male has to offer as well. Another consideration when adorning your online ad with photos is the degree of naughtiness. Although this can be a subjective matter, the most success seems to come from profiles that handle their photo posting with a touch of class. Keep in mind that the first photo you post will serve as the defining image of your whole profile. Ask yourselves: “Do we want to post a close-up photo of our naughty bits for our primary photo and have everyone who encounters our profile to remember us as ‘that crotch couple’?”
Also, try to ensure that your pictures are an accurate representation of who you are and what you currently look like. If you post a ten-year old photo of yourself when you were thirty pounds lighter, or ten years younger, this is what people will be expecting to see in person.

3) Rules! Rules! Rules!

Cause: Your swinging style is dictated by so many rules that your profile text looks like a dictionary of “Do Not’s”

Effect: Rules are healthy. Boundaries are healthy. As a couple or single, knowing what you will or will not do in the lifestyle is a great way to enter and sustain a grounded outlook. However, it is sometimes possible to go overboard with rules. If your profile is littered with so many strict regulations about your playtime, this will tend to make people shy away. As many swingers evolve, the rules relax and the main unsaid rules revolve around respecting your partner and making sure everyone is okay with what happens. Also, couples with an unusual amount of rules can sometimes come across as insecure with each other or insecure with the lifestyle in general. Nobody wants to be in the heat of the moment, worrying about the many nuances of the strict guidelines set forth by another couple. It’s not conducive to the mood.

4) Unicorn Hunting

Cause: A couple is only seeking out a single female and expecting instant results.

Effect: Expecting quick results is unrealistic. The lack of responses is a source of common frustration for couples who only wish to find a female to join them for a threesome. In the lifestyle, the illustrious and illusive single female is often referred to as the Unicorn. For many couples, she is the one fantasy that is desired above all else. Yet, she is the most difficult to attain. Here, we see economic principles come into play- scarcity vs. demand. Single females are out there, but remember that they are sought after the most.
If a couple also expresses that they will entertain an attached female with her mate’s permission, that can also be hard to attain. The key here- Try to make friends with the females first. After she is comfortable with you, then you can progress to more. Patience and polite perseverance are your best assets in this case.

5) Wait for it……

Cause: Sitting back and expecting the action to find you

Effect: You’ll find yourself with a lot less in your inbox if you wait for others to come to you. Even with a masterfully crafted profile, you’ll still get less mail if you don’t initiate contact. Don’t be a wallflower. If you want action, you have to take action. There are members online who do nothing but wait for others to contact them, which sometimes isn’t very fruitful. Two negatives don’t make a positive in this case. Be proactive and initiate contact yourself!

For more lifestyle tips, visit:
Carpe Do’em
(Seize The Swinger)

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