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Question: Wanting different things

Dear Lounge Advice,
So, I am in love. I have some experience in the lifestyle and she has a lot more. (Her ex kind of took advantage of her in the lifestyle.) She would do anything for me and we have not ventured into the lifestyle together because I have never been involved in it with someone I really love. It was always a party or a friend with benefits that I was involved with. Like any man, I think the thought of a threesome with another woman is fantastic and she likes it too. Here is the problem.. The thought of seeing the woman I love with another man is utterly horrifying to me! I know this is not fair and I would never "have my cake and eat it too", but am I wrong for feeling this way? I think she may miss the lifestyle a little and I donít want to be the one to take it away from her because I donít want her to resent me for it later. I really love her and am totally lost, please help.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Letís start at step one. Ask her how she feels about it before getting yourself worked up and doing something that might negatively and permanently ruin your relationship. Find out where she stands, what she wants and without judgement figure out where your common ground is. Talk, openly and honestly no holds barred about everything- expecations, desires, fears, boundaries etc (including asking if she misses the lifestyle and what about it does she miss.) before doing anything in the lifestyle. Communication is always the first step in any relationship -good times and bad.
You may also want to be open and honest about why you feel uncomfortable seeing her with another man.
DO NOT BULLSHIT HER.
Tell her your true feelings.
Write back once you guys have talked, laying everything on the table and feel you have a good understanding of one anotherís position, whether or not you agree.
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