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Lifestyle Sexual Advice
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Question: Meeting for friendships and NOT for sex right now!

Dear Lounge Advice,
We are new to the site and considering ourselves "Soft Swap" but are still finding even with that there are expectations to play.

Our enjoyment in the lifestyle is the relaxed atmosphere and ability to be flirtatious without a spouse getting jealous or upset. However, we have no intention of taking our play anywhere other than ourselves but enjoy talking and the friendships.

We are taking things very slow and enjoying the journey our relationship is taking. The problem is I want to meet people and make the friendships but he says itís not proper etiquette to agree to meet people you have no attraction to.




Dear (Anonymous),

Iím sorry to say that I agree with him on this one. If you meet up with people in the lifestyle with whom you have no attraction, you take the chance giving them the wrong impression. In the lifestyle, an agreement to meet is usually based on an initial interest or attraction. Granted, there is never a gaurantee that things will go any further, but the couples you meet may find YOU both promising, and will want to pursue the connection further.
Naturally, the obvious way to go with this is to be completely up front about your intentions by letting people know your intentions. From my experience, having been in this situation many times, people still hold out that faint hope that more will happen. They are generally respectful along the way, but when Iíve felt that obvious longing from others as the friendship progresses, awkwardness would set in.
In rare cases, I have been able to maintain plutonic friendships in the lifestyle. But it took a LOT of savvy and experience, with plenty of failure along the way.
Even if you explicitly tell people that you are taking it slow and just looking for friendships, there are many people that will still consider this as an opening, and may stick it out in the hopes that they will be the ones to join you on your next step in your sexual journey when youíre ready. If you are explicit in your intentions, and they state that they understand, then it is íon themí if they try to take it further and get upset when you donít play along.
It is a lifestyle primarily based on sex, so naturally, sex will be a top motivator for many you meet.
Of course, if you go to LS events regularly, there will be those with whom you strike up friendships.
But again, I agree with your husband. Donít agree to one on one meetings with people that you know would never have a chance with you both.
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