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Question: Iím marrying a closet bisexual in denial

Dear Lounge Advice,
I am in a relationship with whom I was convinced was my soul mate. After 2 yrs I still melt when he looks at me. I have never been more fulfilled gratified and sexually satisfied. Our chemistry is like none Iíve ever known. For a year now I have tried and tried to deny my gut to prove to me what I think I know deep down. My fiancť is a closeted bisexual. I have found personal ads in craigslist for m4m. Itís so sad how poorly the photos were shot that there is no denying my man posing "bottoms up" for the world. To see with our laundry, bed, bathroom, couch, etc purely visible in the pic background. He vehemently denies that he craves anything outside of me. I am the most uninhibited free sexed giving experimental freak for sex ever!!! We were pretty freaky at one point but never took raised the level to full swap or m4m. As I began to discover that the fetish role playing, free, hard core porn dominatrix etc no holds bar went deeper with him than I thought I began changing into a wifey traditional drawing the lines girl. Iím scared and want him to confide and trust in me but he would lose me and all we have before he would ever admit to any infidelity.... His defense with the ads is that " it never goes beyond the ads " he " has never followed thri with it" hel

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Well, I suppose my question to is- are you open to him being open about it? Furthermore, are you open to allowing that into your life?
If so, you may want to let him know that youíre okay with it, and give him a sense of security in expressing this part of himself and opening up to it.
But, he may also be likely past relationship- I am a former porn actress and like you, completely open and freaky. Yet, my husband went behind my back to watch porn constantly, despite how many times I encouraged him to bring his fetish into our nearly non-existent sex life.
Seven years later, my constant endeavors to find common ground were fruitless.
You have to seriously ask yourself how you see this working out for you both in the long run. If he continues to sneak around and do this, without ever wanting to admit whatís really going on, then it will cause a growing crisis/rift in your relationship. You may ísuck it upí, act like it doesnít bother you, play it down, etc. but it will cause growing hurt and resentment to you as time goes by. If he does not budge, and continues to endeavor in this, you will grow tired of trying to get him to open up. After seven years of being second to porn, I decided that it would never change (shouldnít have taken me seven years to make the decision).
So, ask yourself- are you willing to deal with this as a persistent issue when you get married? And or how long?
From someone who has been through something similar, I caution you consider the long term effects of this.

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