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Question: I want to experience new things but my mate doesnt... how do I get him to losen up?

Dear Lounge Advice,
I am very interested in persuing this lifestyle,however my mate of 4 yrs doesnt want to share me.He of corse is ok with other females.How can I get him to open up???
thanks
Patrie

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

For most men that is a very difficult thing to do unless there is a tremendous amount of trust and unless he is comfortable enough not to be threatened by anyone else... in this case he is obviously not there yet.

What you want to do is try to convince him that this is something that you want to do together as a couple and that you are NOT looking for someone to replace him.

That concept is very foreign to most people and some people never get comfortable with the idea.

What you may wish to suggest is that just for fun you go to a local couples club or social event and just make a commitment that you will not "do" anything... just to watch.

Or you can start as we did where there is just women playing and the husbands just watch (and then you can be with him)... until he is comfortable and warms up to the idea that this is not a threat.

We can't tell you that everyone will be able to handle the trust and security you need to have in the relationship... but we do know one thing for sure...

If he has said no.. and you continue to press the issue... he will build bigger walls against the idea.

Go slow.. take baby steps... you may wish to go to our regular information website at www.zacnzoey.com and let him read that too...

BUT.. if you have been pressing and he has been saying no lately... you may wish to just chill out for a while before doing anything.

Its funny cause its supposed to be "every mans dream"... but based on education, upbringing, religion, and other moral stigmas... many men just are frightened to death about even thinking about it... take it as a compliment... he just has a fear of losing you.

Work on making him feel more confident about the two of you before you think about including anyone else.
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