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Question: Underlying problems and continuing in the LS

Dear Lounge Advice,

My partner and I have been in the LS for off and on for 3-4 years and have had some great times. Right now we are in a junction where she is not sure if she wants to continue as a couple given some past issues with me and my ex. We are working through that but as you can imagine our relationship is on shaky grounds.

She is of the opinion that we should be ok to continue in the LS regardless because she "is able to separate" the LS and what is going on with us. I disagree and told her that we need a solid/secure/trusting relationship. She feels it is just fun and she takes it as fun only.

What is the best approach? Should we continue and keep communicating and just have "fun".


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You are the one who is correct in this situation. Your relationship has issues and continuing in this lifestyle can magnify these problems, sending your relationship into deeper trouble. There is no point in being in the LS if you donít have trust and security between you.
In addition, others will pick up on it and shy away from you.
Iíll leave you with a saying I have always used in situations like this:
The lifestyle is like the wind to a fire. If your fire is strong, the LS can be the wind that makes your flame burn brighter. If your fie is weak, the lifestyle will be the wind that eventually extinguishes your flame.

Think about it.
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