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Question: The awkward unwanted pursuit after a few play sessions.

Dear Lounge Advice,

We met a very nice couple about a year ago. Since then we’ve attended a few parties they’ve thrown and have played with them three times.

The first two times we played together it was a soft swap situation at a sex party. However, the third time we played, it was only the four of us.

The sex was just OK for my wife and me. However, it seems that they had a different experience from us and loved the sex.

They’re very interested in playing with us again. We aren’t interested in playing with them.

We’ve tried dodging them and casually distancing ourselves but they are persistent. They text us weekly asking to get together and we’re running out of excuses.

We feel bad and aren’t sure how to say no without hurting their feelings and ruining the friendship we’ve built with them.

What should we do?



Dear (Anonymous),

This is when I would just ask them sweetly "Would you guys be offended if we hang out without play expectations".
If they are friends, they won’t hesitate to say yes.
If they ask you for a reason, you could always say that you’re taking a break from the playing, but staying in the scene.
If you’re not comfortable lying, and you’re not comfortable dodging them, then you have to delicately go with the truth and see how they handle it and proceed from there.
This is the time your friendship will be tested. If they stop talking to you, well, then two problems are solved-whether it is a real relationship, and the dilemma of being pursued.

Or, here is an alternative:
Your wife can pull the other wife aside and have a ’girl talk’ . She can tell the other wife that she’s not vibing in the other husband anymore, but doesn’t want to hurt his feeling, and felt safe/comfortable going to her about the truth.

It’s one of those situations between women that creates an understanding and non-confrontational, less awkward deployment of your feelings toward the couple.
Let’s face it though- this tactic will only work woman to woman. Don’t try it with hubby going to the other hubby. I probably shouldn’t have to explain why.
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