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Question: Needing to be needed

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for about six months, and while weve had some soft swap experiences, we are having great difficulty transitioning to hard swap.

Weve been to about a dozen house parties and club events, and she regularly gets two or three invitations to play, while I just encounter a series of polite no-thank-yous. We are both fun and successful people and HWP, but it definitely isnt happening for me.

She occasionally accepts invitations to play separately, but feels bad about leaving me high and dry in the other room.

I may be operating from a distinct disadvantage since we married young and Ive been a good boy these past 30+ years. To this date, my wife remains my only hard-core sexual experience. If you are wondering, yes, she was much more experienced when we met, and is even more so now.

Do you have any advice on how we might fix this? I am becoming pretty discouraged. It seems the bright promise of the lifestyle has turned into some sort of cruel hoax.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Dear EZ

First, what "rules" have you established for yourself? Typically a step up from soft swapping is full swapping together only before you start playing separately. I will say that in the LS women do have an advantage as they tend to be the "ring leaders" and do most of the decision-making when it comes to who, what, where and why do we play with a particular couple. It definitely can be difficult when one partner gets more interest, although it is a rare occasion when there is complete equality.

Another option that you have to build your self-confidence would be to watch a lot of porn, read a lot of books and engage in whatever media you can get your hands on to help increase your sexual "prowess." No need to become discouraged...grab the bull by the horns and "own" what it is that you want. Good luck and Keep me posted.
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