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Question: My wife had a bad experience in the lifestyle before.. how to I calm her fears now?
Dear Lounge Advice,
When I met my wife, I knew she had done the swapping deal with her ex as well as done many other fun sexual activities (bi, threesomes etc) which is part of the reason we got together. Problem is ... her ex is now married to her former best friend because of the swap. Fear has set in that the same will happen to our relationship if we "play" with anyone locally. We have been to Hedo 3 and had lots of fun but now she will not meet anyone who writes from LL. Can you advise a way to calm her fears?
The only advise we can give is to you.. and not her.
Obviously she still has an open wound when it comes to taking part in lifestyle activities close to home... she has real fears and feelings.. and there is nothing you are going to be able to say to her right now that is just gonna give her the comfort that she needs in order to take part in that right now.
What you can do is be patient and supportive of her at this time. Based on you telling us that the "swap thing" is one of the reasons you got together in the first place it seems like we need to be talking to you.. and not her.
You have to be thankful of any opportunity you get to play outside of your relationship... there are many many men who would die for the opportunity you have.
A little patience and a little understanding may allow her to gain enough confidence and build the trust she has with you... to the point where she may slowly explore others closer to home... cant promise you it will ever happen... but based on her past experiences... we are surprised she has even considered it.
Her trust was not only betrayed by her spouse.. but by her best friend too.. thats a pretty tough pill to swallow.
If you push her.. its only like pouring salt on that old wound that still hasn't healed.
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