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Question: Our rules are very limiting (no oral for men) is that rare?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We have been in this lifestyle for sometime now and are still puzzled by a situation that continues to present itself. We are an attractive, upscale, fit couple. My wife is very attractive, sensual and feminine. We are always upfront with potential playfriends. We tell them that we are into soft swap and will consider full swap if the chemistry is there for everyone. The only limit we have is that my wife prefers not to give another man oral -she wants this for us only. (Based on her preference, I do not expect oral from the other woman - fair is fair) She is bi-sexual and loves giving and receiving oral with the other woman. We are surprised at the number of couples that this limit does not work for - even considering everything else is a go. Are we the exception to the rule re my wife only wanting to give male oral to me?

Thanks for your input!



Dear (Anonymous),

Anytime you put limits to your play rules you are reducing the pool of couples that you can find... but that is not to say that you should change your rules... if they work for you.... then live by them.. but you have to expect and respect the response you get.

In your particular case.. lets say you are not sure of the chemistry and you are only partaking in soft swapping.... and then you remove the oral for the other guy... you are really not leaving him a lot of play there.

Now as you stated if there were chemistry and you were willing to have full swap... then you will probably give the guys something to enjoy... more so than just a hand job !!

There are a number of people that have "no kissing" rules... and very many that only do soft swap (including oral) and keep the actual penetration for just themselves.

Over the past 7 years we have heard a lot of different rules... and have not really come across that one like yours before.. we are sure you are not the only ones.. but it is definately a unique one.

We can understand people not finding that scenario very inviting. However... if that is what you want to do... stand by it and don't give in to others. Perhaps your wife just doesn't want to give oral to other men... in that case... don't make her do anything she doesn't want to... it will just lead to trouble... and just accept that you will have a number of folks that won't be willing to go along with it.

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