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Question: Death of a Condom

Dear Lounge Advice,

I see the same problem other men have in you advive forum, which seems to be performance anxiety related.
My wife and I are about 6 months into the lifestyle and when with a different woman I often canít maintain an erection. (Itís so wierd and fustrating when you go to put on a condom you lose a perfectly good erection and canít get it back. Whatís with that?) My wife said many times the husband she is with couldnít get hard as well. She is starting to get a complex. When it is just me and my wife, I have no problem performing or re-performing. I have never taken meds to helps, but would like to try. Please help.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

A suggestion that has been reported as helpful to me in the past is to sample a variety pf condoms to find one that feels the most pleasurable and allows you to experience maximum sensation. Some men find that condoms with looser heads or shafts allow for more sensation. Try adding a lubricant on the inside of the condom and then adding a "warming sensation" lube on the outside of the condom once it is on. It also helps to maintain foreplay while putting the condom on vs. stopping in the middle, because it is much easier to become distracted and lose arousal sensation when you are focused...intensely...on getting the damn condom on while you are still hard...this then leads to performance anxiety, etc...Remember sexual arousal is a physical, emotional and mental experience that does require concentration, albeit enjoyment...and it helps if you have a partner that that is willing to be patient. It is possible that it might take 1-2 tries before you get it right, but if you stay out of your head an allow yourself to enjoy the moment, this will help. I am unsure of your age, but Meds are typically not recommended for healthy, young men, although I know many men that use meds to "enhance" their experience...I would not recommend this coming out of the gate and more as a last resort. Your wife should not worry about the erection "issues" having anything to do with her...and have her focus on engaging in the foreplay with her playmate much the same way I am encouraging you to do the same with your playmate. Good luck and stay sexy.
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