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Question: How do you stop playing when you're not having fun or something about the other couple is bothering you?

Dear Lounge Advice,

Help! We're fairly now to the lifestyle (one year now) and need some advice. We played with a new couple at their house (this was our second date)this weekend and afterwards my wife said it was horrible for her. He apparently had the worst breath one could imagine.. and although that sounds funny upon hearing it.. she was very upset and only discovered this once play had begun. My wife is very easy going and it's the type that demands men be a perfect body type, etc. She decided to "take one for the team" but was struggling the whole time to avoid even having her face close to his. She could not wait to get home to wash his scent off her.

Questions, how does one stop play once it's begun? any way to do it gracefully ?.. Maybe since it was their house she could have said "how bout brushing your teeth before we get started ?"...any other suggestions ???? p.s. I had given everyone a mint 15minutes earlier- so a mint wouldn't solve his problem.

She obviously is now totally turned off about seeing them again and they want to see us and have us attend a small lifestyle get together at their house.. again-- anyway to decline gracefully ??

We're a small community here.. anyway to broach remaining friends -but that further play is probably not going to happen ?

Thanks for the input!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Sounds like you guys had a tough weekend there !! First of all... we cannot tell you what to do and what not to do.. but in our experience "taking one for the team" is the worst possible thing you can do... avoid that in the future at all costs!! There is very little good that comes out of it...

Even when you are in the heat of the moment you have to be conscious that if you are not having fun... it is ok to stop. The easiest way that we have found is just to ask the others to excuse you... but you really want to be with you husband/boyfriend right now... its nothing that they did.. just a feeling that you have.

We have never seen anyone have any problem if you feel at whatever moment that you want to be with your spouse. The most important thing is that you both agree that if anyone raises that issue... the other person has to agree to stop whatever they are doing and pay attention.

We both know that if either of us brings that up.. there is a situation occuring in which the other doesnt feel comfortable with.. and we are both sensative and understanding about it... that means its time to stop... no questions asked.

As far as any future play is concerned... you have got to be up front and tell those folks that although you want to be friends with them... you dont think that you are interested in playing with them again. The direct approach is always the best... we are all big girls and boys.

As far as addressing something like breath odors with someone.. it really depends on whether you are having a good time up till then. We have found that its all about how it is presented to them.. if you can do it in a joking manner... like speaking really softly.. almost whispering to them...kid-like... "would you mind getting another mint or a piece of gum.. Im so sorry.." etc.

Sometimes.. not saying something is worse than saying something... as you have found out the hard way.

Most issues like that are best dealt with at the moment... after the fact it becomes more and more difficult to deal with.... and after the fact.. you probably wont want to go there again.. and they didnt even get the chance to fix it... sometimes the people just dont know.

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