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Question: We need some help getting started... things are not happening as quickly as we had hoped. Any suggestions?

Dear Lounge Advice,
Firstly, thank you in advance for taking this question. Deb and I have been dating for about 1 1/2 years. We are very very close mentally and physically; we truly care for eachother and have proved it throught various personal actions in our relationship involving family, careers.
We both have strong sexual desires and act upon them together. We trust in eachother. We date exclusively. We went to a club in NJ twice (not to mention the name) where we thought we could live out our fantasies and visit the lifestyle. Deb has hers, I have mine. We always talk about it in bed (although she is less talkative about it lately). Nothing happened sexually at the club between her and anyone else. We stayed to ourselves sexually. We also refused another couple politely. But we did enjoy sex next to other couples. Perhaps we fell short because of how quickly we went to the common room and didn't take time to meet other couples. Perhaps we were a bit nervous, altough some couples were very quiet, not the best attitudes, overall it just didn't do it. We weren't attracted to the club or the people. However; Deb said she would go back another time if I wanted to. What was fun was when everyone gathered downstairs at around midnight, and we were all naked, Deb and I together next to naked bodies, etc. Deb would like to have me fulfill my fantasies, but I can't do that unless we are both in it for the same reason. I know that she'll come back, so I'm/we're trying/communicating. Do you have any suggestions??? Any suggestions where we might go next to feel comfortable, any club/parties you can recommend? Speaking with people on here?
We are not looking for full swap, but will explore other activities with another female or couple slowly. We have an ad on here via the complimentary membership...it's a great site, and I hope we can see a reason to join full time. We have not yet met anyone. I'm truthfully the one who's on here 99% he time and if the right connection occurs, Deb will go along to establish a friendship.
Hope you can help us, Thanks


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

It sounds to us that you guys are having these great expectations of fulfilling your fantasies and hoping that something is going to "happen" sexually at least, but you are not doing much except showing up in order to make it happen.

We dont know about the club you visited as you did not give us the name. All clubs are different from each other, but we will try to give you some advice as a whole.

If you are just looking to play, that is fine. There are plenty of places that you can go for just that. But there is a big part of the lifestyle that you are missing, and that is the social aspect. Many couples do not feel very comfortable with playing with people that they have not met and spoken with first during the evening. You mentioned that you didnt spend much time downstairs socializing. You are missing a key ingredient (at least for us) and that is a lot of the foreplay that is involved.

For us, the dancing and the socializing is as much a part of the foreplay as is kissing. You may also find that your girlfriend may feel more at ease after spending time getting to know others and finding out that you have some similarities.

Here is our suggestion- the next time you go out decide ahead of time that you are only going to be with each other, and you are going to have fun only with each other. Don't go with expectations that you are going to meet anyone or include anyone else. Just have fun yourselves. Fun is contageous. People gravitate towards people that are having fun. You will be surprised at how many others you will attract by just having fun amongst yourselves.

Just like you dont want to rush into a wam-bam sexual encounter yourselves, dont rush into one there. Take your time with each other and make it an entire night. Trust us that if you introduce yourselves into the social side of the lifestyle. All the other things will fall into place when the time is right. Be patient.

As far as the other places, we do not know where you went, but you may wish to post a question in the Forum section here on the Lounge and let the other members help you with where to go. We can tell you that the Toga Joe parties and the Private Parties NJ parties are a lot of fun and attract fun young couples.

One other suggestions. As you know, these lifestyle sites are very visually motivated, you may wish to post some additional pictures on your profile (you can even blur the faces if you are concerned)

!
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