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Lifestyle Sexual Advice
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Question: I am going from being a couple to being a single and I am alittle shy.

Dear Lounge Advice,

My question is about single females in the Lifestyle. I've seen numerous posts complaining about Fakes listed as Single gals. I was reassured by some of the single females replying with the explanation that (unfortunately) single women need to be more cautious than couples or single men. This hesitation can come off as an indication that she isn't "real" because she's reluctant to make early contact by phone or in person. I bring this up because I was there for a long time before I became actively involved in the Lifestyle with my current (and far more experiened) boyfriend. I was approached and propositioed by several couple (on other forums), but was never really comfortable enough to pursue "live" contact. I suppose I may have come off as a fake to many of them, but hopefully, most were objective enough to understand that without a mate to help ensure security it's a huge step for a single woman to take that leap. For that matter, a single woamn looking for straight signles personal ads has to be careful too.

I've been swinging regularly with my boyfriend for a year and a half...usually as a couple, but often by myself with couples we've met together. Now I find myself possibly facing a change in our relationship. He has (off & on) considered getting back together with his ex-wife. That's his decision to make,of course. They were active swingers and I'm sure that they would continue swinging, but I really can't predict whether she'd be comfortable with he & I still playing together (at all).

At the very least, I expect that I'll be doing more "single" playing. This isn't a problem for the couples I've already established relationships with. However, it brings up the issue of me seeking out future playmates on my own.

Even though I am much more relaxed and comfortable now then before I met him, I'm afraid the security issues will rear up again. As a couple, I have been fine with initiating e-contact with other couples, but (either due to more experience, or just plain personality traits) he has usually been the "ice-breaker" when we meet others in person.

I am not an aggressor, even when I am very attracted to someone. It is usually up to someone else to initiate physical stuff. Having him around to break the ice has worked well. He can "read" me very well and start fondling or kissing me and invite foreplay. To be honest I am very happy that most "classy" people I've met in the Lifestyle are NOT pushy, and wait for that sort of signal! But I'm not sure how I'll manage without him along.

Unless I make some drastic change in my personality, I'm likely to be friendly, polite, and seemingly UN-horny to others....leaving them with the idea that I'd love to be friends but not sure of my intent sexually (if that makes any sense).

Do you have any suggestions for a Type-B single woman to develop a circle of "special friends"...or is the Lifestyle simply better suited for Type-A single women who are able to take the reigns more assertively than me?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

First of all.... what you will find as a single bi fem is that you become a commodity that is in great demand in the Lifestyle. Meeting couples is not going to be a problem for you at all.

As far as taking it to the next level... what we are going to suggest is that you be upfront with other people that you meet... and in talking with them, discuss your concerns and your shyness about taking the first steps and that you may need alittle help from THEM... as you dont have your partner to help you thru this.

We are sure that people will be very understanding and helpful. We are all human beings and many share the same fears and concerns that you do and almost everyone can relate.

Sometimes its best to be upfront with people and tell them (when you have developed a repore with them and you are interested in going to the next level) that you are going to need for them to be the agressor.
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