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Question: My fantasy is simply being with a man that wants to be with 'only me' and loves me most of the time. I really don't think he does any more.

Dear Lounge Advice,
My significant other and I have been enjoying the lifestyle for about 5 years now. We've had many great experiences and your site has been one of the best sources for the fun connections we've had. Thank you for providing such a wonderful site with some of the best information available anywhere.
I have a concern and need your advice. I feel that we are not connecting as we should be in our relationship. I am concerned that he relies way too much on this and a few other sites like this one, including porn, to chat, get off, and flirt with others. He gets off on it way to much for my liking.
In my opinion, I wish he were more interested in working on our relationship and try harder to connect with me instead of focusing on setting up our next 'date'. I enjoy some fun about once every six months or so. He seems to be consumed with setting up these dates on a daily basis. I get tired of talking about it all the time and it's beginning to be a turn off for me.

He works very hard for many hours a day and we do not have 'one on one' dates much anymore. When we do, it's not really that great because we don't seem to be getting along much any more. I feel terribly neglected, and un loved. I truly feel that he is only with me because we have so much fun in the lifestyle. However, I rarely ever feel close to him. He is very distant, says mean things to me, and really never seems at all interested in 'just me' any more. All our socializing is either 'business' social or 'lifestyle' social. He is 'obsessive compulsive' about everything except me these days and I need advice on how to handle this situation.
During our one on one sex together, he is constantly talking about our experiences in the lifestyle, or future fantasies. I've mentioned that I'd like him to keep those thoughts to himself while I'm enjoying my own fantasy in my head so I can come to orgasm. My fantasy is simply being with a man that wants to be with 'only me' and loves me most of the time. I really don't think he does any more.
I decided to ask you for advice when he brought up the subject of purchasing the LIFETIME subscription to your site just when I'm considering dropping out. I think that would possibly be the end of our relationship.
Thank you for your advice, Island Girl

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I would highly recommend that you suggest that you both "take a break" from the lifestyle activities until you get this situation worked out between the two of you.


Being active in the lifestyle should ONLY be to "enhance" or "spice up" your relationship with your partner ....it should NOT be the sole focus of your entire relationship with each other.
If the "lifestyle scene" and play time is driving an emotional wedge between the two of you and creating negative feelings within you...it is time to bow out for while and work on each other

If you are starting to harbor ill feelings about the lifestyle and getting together with other people to play....that is not good and will only get worse if you play along with it simply to keep him happy.


The best advice I can give you is to not be afraid to be up front and honest about your feelings you are expressing to me to your partner....and make sure he is listening to what you are saying.

If he values you and your relationship with him more than anything else this should be a "no brainer" for him to work out a break from the Lifestyle with you....and realize he need to focus on you and only you for a while...or maybe forever.

If you say nothing...nothing will change and things will only get worse for you and your situation.

I love this advice someone gave me once and I will share it with you.

"There are 3 C's in life:
CHOICES,CHANCES and CHANGES.
You must make a CHOICE to take a CHANCE or your life will never CHANGE.

Follow your heart, be brave and say & do what is best for you.
If he truly loves you and cares about you...he will always have your back :-)


On a side note-
LL does not offer lifetime memberships as a billing option.






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