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Question: Our first experience was a disaster.. did we do anything wrong?

Dear Lounge Advice,

Please advise if you can! Our first experience was a disappointment and has not done much for my confidence.

After visiting the occasional club we thought we'd like to try dating and get to know couples better for friendship and fun. We replied to a couple who wanted to plan an erotic dinner party in their own home for 4 or 5 couples. We met them and liked them - and felt confident they could throw a good party.

It became clear from their stories that they had already "interviewed" one couple with whom the wife immediately had an erotic encounter. It was also clear that the husband was very smitten with me. Sensing we may have been on the wrong track we told them that we were not open to a full swap and played only in one room. In retrospect maybe we should have withdrawn at this stage.

To spare you the details, the party flopped miserably and everyone just sat around talking politely. What upset me most was that on our departure, the host was full of recriminations towards me personally for not having delivered what I had promised. (We had designed and hosted an erotic game, brought delicious food with us, but of course he meant had sex with him).

Was I so na´ve? I truly believed we were honest and clear. But could I have led him on? Now I'm afraid that anything I do may be misinterpreted.

We want to go on meeting couples but maybe it's a lesson in communication. Know what you want and be open and honest right from the start.




Dear (Anonymous),

Sounds like you guys are pretty much grounded and you are on the right track with your thinking. If you need the reassurances from us... you got them!! We could not have summed it up any better!!

As far as your question on whether you led them on in any way, its too difficult without hearing the conversations ourselves, but it does not sound as if you did.

Communicating about such things as sexual play and rules, although it is important, at the same time it is not easy to do... especially when you are new...so do not feel badly.

One last thing regarding the host's comments... if you stick to your position and do not change any agreements the two of you have with each other, you do not owe ANY appology to anyone. Just let him/her say whatever they wish... and do not give it much thought... that is their issues.. not yours. Do not own their dissappointments.

Now.. don't give up.... if we judged the Lifestyle by our first experience... we would have quit over 7 years ago !!!
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