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Question: Is it considered rude for my wife to not want to play with someone's husband?

Dear Lounge Advice,
My wife and I are not new to the 'lifestyle' she admited to me years ago that she was attracted to women. We then spent a few years kicking the idea around to make sure our relationship was strong enough, setting boundries, and generally trying to make sure no one (and that includes potential playmates) were goning to get hurt.

We have had a handful of girlfriends, and are on frequent speaking / hang out terms with most of them, even though some have moved from passionate relationships to a more vanillia friendship.

Our real question is simply that my wife has no real interest in playing with another man, but enjoys watching me / sharing me with other women. [Honestly, this isn't just some strange jealous husband syndrome :P] All of the lifestyle experiences we have had in the past are with single .. unattached, bi women.

It situations where the thought of a 3-some creeped them out, I bowed out and let them play alone.

Many times, however, in clubs or partys, we have been approached and asked by a couple to play. I generally let my wife take the lead, and have her explain that she really doesn't want to play with other men, but she doesn't mind if I play with other women, as long as she is present.

We have met with gracious understand people, guys like myself who were more than willing to let their wifes/girlfriends have fun, and couples who were shocked and outraged - who stated that we shouldn't consider ourselvs 'swingers' if we are not willing to go 'all the way'.

Is it considered 'rude' for my wife not to want to play with someone's husband, while hoping I can play with their wife ? We historically have delt with this by only playing with single girls, to avoid the subject .. but single bi girls tend to be a rather well sought after situation - and as a result don't seem to stay single for very long :P

So before we run out of playmates, what would your advice be on this situation.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Whatever you decide are your rules... you need to stand by. Now obviously based on what you have explained... as you have found out... the numbers of couples who are willing to play on your "one-way street" is certainly going to be limited.

You can find a great number of couples however where there is only women play... and the men only observe.... especially many newbies.

There are a couple of things you really have to remember:
1) Based on your more unique situation, you want to be upfront with people you meet about your limitations... and don't wait until the end of the night to bring it up. That would be the only thing that we can see being considered rude.

2) If your wife is not interested in being with another man... dont even think of forcing her to just becuase you are running low on people willing to go along with your rules.

You guys should consider yourselves lucky that you have had a good history with single bi fems... there are many couples that view that as the "golden ring" and are still trying to find it.

If you think you will run out of playments that are around you... you can always travel!! LOL

One last thing.. just laugh at those people that have any critisizm about the choice of Lifestyle you and your wife have made for yourselves. They are probably just upset that they could not make you another of their "conquests" and people who are that bitter are usually not any good at their crafts anyway!
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