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Question: What if my husband is having fun and I am not attracted to the man at all.. what do I do?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We are "newbies" to the Lifestyle and so far love it. I have two questions: The first question is what do you suggest if you are at a party with other couples, in a hot tub perhaps and a couple approaches you. They start to play a little under water and your spouse seems attracted to the woman but you are not attracted to the man and would rather not continue. I have learned from other couples that "gimmies" are not a good idea. I don't want the other man to feel bad and at the same time I hate to break up a good thing going on next to me. What is the polite way to handle this situation?

The second question is that my husband and I are interested in the threesome idea with another woman. We think we may have an opportunity to explore this further. Any advise to keep this a fun situation and avoid any serious consequences?

Thanks for you help,



Dear (Anonymous),

We are very big fans of the idea that if you are not BOTH having a good time or attracted to the other people... then you should do something to let your spouse know you are not having fun.

You can set up verbal and non-verbal "cues" that will let each other know that the other person is not having fun... or doesnt want to be in that situation... and agree that when you get that cue... everything stops...

For us we have something we call "the pinch" If either of us is not having fun... we will just reach over and give our spouse an unmistakable pinch on the arm, leg, or butt that can only mean one thing.

In a hot tub that would be very easy to to. If you gave your hubby "the pinch" then he could just wade on over and come to you. Or.. you are well within your rights to say at anytime, "Excuse me but I really feel like I want to be with my husband right now," and just go over to him... end of story !!

As far as how to handle the threesome... we would suggest that just like anything else that you over communicate about it... what either of your concerns or fears are... and how what you can institute to keep those from happening or what to do if they creep up.

Also.. just as above.... make a bailout signal if either of you decide you are uncomfortable. Knowing that you have the ability to call all bets off makes most of these situations easier to swallow...

The only thing you MUST do is totally commit to following these rules.

Oh one last point.... here is another really good rule to add that usually keeps couples from making mistakes that they will pay for the next day....

If you guys have rules set up for yourselves.. agree ahead of time to NEVER change any of your rules without having discussed it one-on-one with each other the NEXT day. IE.. dont change any rules in the heat of the moment/night when alcohol or other substances or just testosterone is clouding your thinking processes.

There is always another night and another opportunity to do it again... and if you are going to bend or break any of your rules... do it after being able to discuss it amongst yoursleves the next day...with no one else around to pressure you and no time limits... Let yoursleves have the time to think about it.

That little agreement will save you guys a lot of grief !!

Good Luck and HAVE FUN !!
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