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Question: We found out after the fact that the male in a couple we were with is bi... now we dont want to go there again.. how do we handle this?

Dear Lounge Advice,

There have been a few times where we've had this experience: we've met with a couple under the pretense that the guy of the couple is straight (even played with them in one case); after awhile, we found out that he is bi or bicurious. We were up front about our preference and this was "sprung" on us via a question from female to female or by noticing a profile change.

We've had some good times with these couples both inside and outside of the bedroom (in each case we think the female half is especially cute), both of us have homosexual friends and co-workers outside of the lifestyle whom we get along great with, and we have absolutely no moral qualms with homosexuality (half of our couple is bisexual, just not the guy half.)

We've spent quite a bit of time talking this out between us. We're torn because we don't want to lose friends or sound close-minded, yet we're clear in our profile and in conversation with prospective couples and don't know how to handle this beyond a gently-worded email.

Thanks for your advice



Dear (Anonymous),

We are unsure exactly what you need help handling.. but we will guess that you are not interested in being with these couples in the bedroom knowing that the male is bi....

You are the only one that can determine what you are comfortable with. If being with a couple where the male is bi makes you feel uncomfortable the you should not go there... plain and simple.. this is all about fun... and if you are not going to have fun... dont go there.

If that were the case, then you can tell the people in person... or in an email that you want to be friends and have always had a good time with them... but you wished that they had been up front with you both about him being bi... and that knowing that they were not up front with you bothers you... and you dont feel comfortable going there again.

Tell them like you told us that you want to remain friends, and hope that they will respect your boundries and limitations and your feelings.. whether they agree with them or not.

We respect everyones choices and only hope that everyone respects ours... we can't tell you how they will react to this.. but honesty and being up front is the best.

Your reaction to finding out about this is just the reason that many bi males keep that under wraps.... even though you played with this couple and obviously he never "did anything" and it was fine with you... but for some people just knowing that the other male is bi makes them feel uncomfortble in a sexual situation..

If that is the case with you... do not feel ashamed or embarrassed... the uncomfort is real for you and no one should have to be in a situation that is uncomfortable for them.

We are not all in the Lifestyle to be politically correct... we are here to enjoy ourselves. You can't be responsible for how they will react.

Good luck with however you choose to handle this.
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