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Question: My wife wants to swap and date seperately.. is that wise?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I have been swinging for about 2 1/2 years. We have been involved in full and soft swinging. At least once a month we go to a popular swinger club to see if we can find a couple to play with. Unfortunately we have not played with a couple in about a year. We seem to be at odds when it comes to finding the right couple, either the guy or the girl is ugly. My situation is this, my wife has upfront told me that she prefers to play, swing on a seperate basis and doesn't mind me doing so as well. She would rather play the dating game to see where it leads, sexually or non, and that she enjoys the game. Me on the other hand would prefer to swing together as I see it as a sexual pleasure for the both of us and that we should enjoy the lifestle together. I am affraid of the "falling in love" aspect of the dating seperately issue and therefore I am against it although I have been open to her dating. My question is do you think this dating, swapping seperately is a wise decision for us or my wife?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

We are not big fans of separating. This is just our opinion.. but we think it is a very dangerous game to play.

For us, its not even the reason we are in the Lifestyle. We are here for BOTH of our enjoyments.... and we do not separate beyond arms reach of the other...

Of course there are those who swap separetly and it obviously works for them...

We are not saying that it will not work for you, but we always try to advise people of situations which are potentially hazardous to your relationship... and playing separately or "dating" as you describe it is way to the side of introducing elements which can potentially cause problems.... why take that risk?

Many times men AND women SAY that it will be ok for them.. but its one of those things that once you cross that line... you crossed it.. and sometimes life is never the same.

One other concern of ours is your statement that "I have to be open to her dating"

WHY? Why do you have to do anything you dont wish to do? This is supposed to be about fun... but fun for both of you.. not one....

Our thoughts are that if you are thinking about it this much.. then you should probably not do it at all..... stand your ground... and say what you feel... try not to play the role of tough guy about his... NO MEANS NO is the golden rule for other couples.... and you guys too !!
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