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Question: How do you know if the

Dear Lounge Advice,

How to know?

My question is one that most couples on this site must have asked themselves at on point or another, "Is this right for us?".

My wife and I have been married for 11 years and are very happy and secure in our relationship. Being an open couple is something that we truley accept in theory. My wife has often fanticised about being with another woman, but has never acted on it. When we get close to meeting a couple she backs out/changes her mind. The interesting thing is that this was her idea to explore....

Our biggest concern is that getting involved in the "lifestyle" would be detrimental to what we have now.

Any thoughts?

Thank you!

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

These are such individually subjective questions that it is difficult to give you an accurate answer.

The best we can tell you is that she will tell you when she is ready. This is not easy stuff to accept.. even if it was her idea. There is a big step between thinking about it... accepting it.. and then actually doing it.

This is one area where we are not big fans of pushing someone in the pool.

What we may suggest is that you find a local club/social/party and make a commitment with each other that you will not "do anything" ahead of time. That takes all the pressure off of her. And then you can just go there... and observe.

When you are in an atmosphere where "lifesytle" activities are considered very normal.. and see how real people just like yourselves are enjoying themselves... it may give her more confidence.

The whole dynamics of meeting people on a "date" can be very stressful for some curious folks... and its really a lot of pressure on them.... try putting yourselves into lifestyle gatherings but you will need to make her rest assured that she will not be pressured into anything.

Your patience may even be just the reassurance she is looking for.. she may just be watching you to see how you react....

Again these are all guesses.. but give it a shot and let us know how it turns out.
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