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Question: We met a couple who had marriage problems and now it has spread to us.

Dear Lounge Advice,
My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for about 2 years now, and I was very reluctant to get into it because I always thought that sex was a way of sharing love with your mate (the way women are taught by their religious parents).
We met this couple at a couple of partys, but we were never attracted to them, or we just never really got to know them, until the wife found us on your site. We had our first date when I noticed that everything didn't seem right with them as a couple, she like wanted nothing to do with her husband. When I told my husband I was not comfortable with this, he said their marital problems are not ours. She always had to be in a different room then her husband, because he got jealous. Well now their getting divorced and she is my husbands girlfriend, he wants to take her out on dates even though her husband is against it.
Well this is why I didn't want to get into the lifestyle, my husband doesn't even look for other couples and he talks to her about 2 or 3 times a day. My life is a mess and I can't stop crying and my husband is a man I never Knew and he says when I say I did'nt get into this for you to get a girlfriend or I never would of done it, I have to admit it has been so fun meeting people and I have improved my sex life 100%. When I tell my husband that I don't like it and that I'm walking out he just says go. This was a very loving man and I don't know hat to do, but on the other I really don't want to be so pathetic and stay where someone does'nt care if I stay. I have been in contact with her husband and he believes that if my husband would leave her alone then they would be fine.
Please I need good honest advice.
Thank you,
Sadgirl

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Wow. This is definately NOT the norm in the Lifestyle. However, it is important to remember that the group of people that take part in the lifesytle are just a microcosm of society itself, and this kind of thing happens every day in society itself.

A few observations. First of all, this was the kind of couple that you want to stay away from in the beginning. If people are having problems in their marriage, they have no business bringing others into their mess. This is supposed to be about the two of you having fun, and NOT about finding a replacement for anyone.

In your situation, it is easy to pin all the blame for what you are going through on the lifestyle. But it has been our experience that usually their are other issues already there, and participating in alternative lifestyles when there are problems already there can only exacerbate those problems.

We can only suggest that you seek some marriage therapy and some professional advice. We cannot and will not offer any advice to people in as serious a situation as you are facing.

We feel your pain and wish you all the best.
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