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Question: We were with a single fem and my husband was only with her and not me.. I feel cheated !

Dear Lounge Advice,

My husband and I had a threesome with an attractive single female. We were having a great time, until it ended with him only having intercourse with her and not me. I really felt cheated. Now I keep doubting his true feelings for me. He reassures me that it was purely a sexual interest, but I am still questioning his faithfulness in general now. How can I get over these untrusting feelings? He had cheated on me many years ago, but had regained my trust. Now I feel like we are back at square one.

Perplexed



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Its really hard for us to guess whether he is being honest with you or not.. but lets give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he is being up front and honest about it... and lets concentrate on what we can do to make sure that you do not end up feeling like this again....

It seems that you guys had issues before you even got into the lifestyle... in that case.. you have to be sure this is something that you can still handle.. and at the same time.. you really need to be specific about the rules that you have for each other.

When there has been an infidelity in a relationship it requires everyone (especially him) to be a lot more conscious of your feelings. You need to explain this to him.. but in a manner that is not threatening.. so that he doesnt feel like he is being attacked for something that he was innocent of.

First of all.. in this situation.. it's a little stretch to be calling what he did... cheating. Perhaps we can accept that he was a little selfish.. but not cheating.

We also do not know if you play with other couples.. or just with singles. When it is a single.. remember.. its hard for one person to not feel left out.

If you are concerned about not getting any attention from him when a single girl is involved.. then just make rules that assure that you are taken care of... for example... many people have rules that they will come only with their spouses.. so when they feel that they are close.. they will move back to their spouse.

Or.. you can have a rule that if you are with a single bi girl (dont know if you are bi or not) then the rule is that YOU get taken care of first.. or that he has to have intercourse with you first...

We hope you get the picture here.. you guys need to sit down and quietly discuss the situation to look at what steps you can take to avoid those feelings from creeping up again in you.

He has to be more conscious of you.. and you can to articulate your concerns and fears with him in a manner that is not backing him into a corner. Based on his track record it would seem that he would be acceptable to wanting to make sure that you are ok with all this...

Often times, it is not WHAT you say... but HOW you say it that determines how someone will react. If you do not discuss this.. you are going to relive this problem over and over again.

Remember.. this is all about BOTH of you having fun as a couple.. .if one of you feels cheated.. that doesnt necessarily mean the other one is a cheater !!

Give him the benefit of the doubt this time.. and concentrate on the future.. and not yesterday. No matter what you do today or tomorrow.. you can't change the past.
LOOK FORWARD !!

Let us know how it goes !
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