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Question: We are experimenting with fantasies, my wife got hers, but is getting cold feet about mine.

Dear Lounge Advice,

We just stepped into the Lifestyle (if only for a brief moment) because we want to experiment with our sexuality and to see some fantasies come true.

I, the husband, allowed my wife to have her fantasy first. It involved a night with someone she picked out. I had no problems with it and so they've had their fun. I've even told her about how much I was turned on by their encounter (I did not participate). Now she wants me to have my fantasy... well mine is of her and another woman giving me all the attention for a night (healthy male wish). We even found a woman who is excited to do so.

Here's the problem... my wife now just wants to keep it between the woman and myself. She doesn't want to play or even watch. She's afraid of what seeing it happen might do with her feelings. This is apparently the same reason why she did not want me to watch her during her fantasy.

I love her, trust her, and believe her when she says that she WANTS me to do this... that it is not a payback for her night (that'd be wrong)... just that she doesn't think she could watch.

I've told her that I don't have to do anything, but she won't let me do that. She insists that I go ahead and that MAYBE she can compose herself to join in the mix.

Should I forcefully say I won't? Should I go ahead and hope? I will not lie, if I don't do it, I will feel a bit cheated, but I don't see myself doing anything negative in our lives about it... I love her waaaay too much.

- Her 1 / Him 0

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You explained that your fantasy is of your wife and another woman giving you all the attention for a night.

If your wife is not interested in being involved... then she is not fulfilling your fantasy... which was what this was about... right?

You didnt say from the beginning that your fantasy was to just be with someone else.

If she feels that she would not be comfortable.. .then just dont do it. Forget what seems balanced or fair. Is it fair to have her feel uncomfortable. It sounds like she is not going to be.. and she would just be biting the bullet in order to feel some less guilt about it.

If you love her as you say so much.. then make her feel comfortable that it is OK for you not to do anything.. but remind her that your fantasy included her.. but if she is not involved you are not interested.

Help her understand that you are ok with this and tell her that perhaps sometime in the future she will not feel as threatened... and the goal in this was to experiment and see some fantasies come true.. NOT to drive anything in between you guys.
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