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Question: We want to begin to explore by watching others.. is that considered rude?

Dear Lounge Advice,
Hi My wife and I are new to this. We have a very healthy and loving relationship. We have been talking for the last 4-5 months about experimenting with the swinging lifestyle but are both very nervous. Mainly we would like to watch a couple or couples to start with and go from there. Of course we would want to make friends first and have a sexual attraction before any of this would transpire. Our question is this: Are there any other couples out there that just like to watch? Is this considered rude at parties? Or is it normal? Thanks
Duluth, Mn.



Dear (Anonymous),

This is a very common question. It has been our experience that most of the places that at we have been to which are "on premise" people are encouraged to watch and lots of people enjoy being watched. If not, there are usually private areas for people who want privacy.

As far as parties are concerned and even individual clubs, it is always best to try to reach out to people who attend those places and ask them directly if that is ok. Some places may be different... so its always best to ask ahead of time.

One other thing is that you should never feel bad about telling people up front that you are new and that you are not interested in participating.. but that you would like to watch... and even asking if anyone minds. You will be surprised just how many will say to you that it is no problem.

We know that its odd at first because you would never think to actually ask someone if it were ok for you to watch them have sex... but in the lifestyle.. people are more open to that kind of thing... and it really turns a lot of people on just to be watched.

We know some couples that never participate with others but love to watch others and be watched. That makes it more exciting for them.

The key is not being afraid to ask someone... it may take a while before you are totally comfortable with asking.. but until then.. bite the bullet and ask.
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