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Question: In a 3sum with another man, is there proper ettiquite to tell him it is ok to fuck me?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for about a year. During this time we have explored many different aspects of "PLAYING". At one particular time, we were in the middle of playing with a single male. What is the "ettiquite" or is there such thing, as to who is allowed or supposed to ask as far as "going all the way". I have been told it is the woman that has to tell the man that it is "OK" to have sex otherwise it will not happen. Is there such thing as that? I initiated the play, but I do not nor would I feel I could say, "It's OK to fuck me", "We can have sex" or "Fuck me". Help me out here please.




Dear (Anonymous),

A lot of confusion can be eliminated if you find out what everyone’s rules are before you get into a situation where you are actually playing. Usually we try to learn that early on when we meet a couple or a female…. that way no one is disappointed or led-on for a long time. But definitely before we engage in play with others.. we will just say to them… “What are your ground rules… do you full swap? Soft Swap? Or just girl play?

Now if you are in a situation where you are just joining people who are playing or walking into a situation… this is very different. For couples, etiquette dictates that the man should ask either the woman or the other man. For a couple with a single female, the wife should ask the single female if its alright for her husband to****…. For a couple with a single male… either the man or the woman can let the single male know it is ok to ****

If you have trouble saying the word fuck… try asking if it is ok to full swap…

If it seems awkward for you to verbalize this at all… you can just pick up a condom and hand it to him…. or have your husband hand him a condom… at which point nothing really needs to be said.

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