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Question: How can I easy my husband in to the idea of playing with another woman?

Dear Lounge Advice,

I am a bisexual woman married to a straight guy. I am missing the physical connection to women and definitely consider myself to be part of the "lifestyle" though I haven't been to any swinger socials or anything. I have participated in threesomes and have plenty of experience with other women but not since I met my husband. He is a very monogamous person by nature and isn't dealing very with the idea of me being sexual with another person, male or female.

I know this is unusual but is there any way to ease him into the the lifestyle? I think he likes the idea of two women together, just not me. I can't imagine giving up women for the rest of my life and he knows that. He says he's willing to try things if they "happen naturally" but I don't see how they ever would unless we are in the right place or situation. He doesn't want anything to be too set up. He's also freaked out about another guy being in the mix. I'm sorry for the long message but I just need some advice.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

In the Lifestyle... YOU decide for yourselves what your ground rules are.. if you wish to NOT include another man.. then that is your decision.

Of course its not so easy to find a single bi fem to play with.. but they are definately out there.. you just have to be patient.

You just want to state that in your profile so that there are no misconceptions.

As far as easing him into the Lifestyle.. usually people do not understand what this is all about and the concept of a physical relationship void of emotional ties is very foreign to most people.

The best suggestion that we can give you is that education and understanding is the best way to overcome this. There are many great sites out there that you can send him to explore which will help him to "get it". We have an informational website at www.zacnzoey.com that is a good start.

Some people never get it... and it goes too far against their preconceived notions of what is acceptable.. but you need to make him feel totally secure in your relationship before he will ever even think about bringing someone else into your bedroom.

If you press him as something that you cannot live without.. then it adds more pressure and concern on his part. Concentrate on making him feel secure about your relationship with him and this is something that you wish to do which will actually make your relationship more fun and exciting, without being a threat to him.

Once he finds that security.. he MAY then be willing to experiment.

Understand however that he may never get there... if you love him and respect his feelings.. then you have to compromise your sexual urges for your life together.

Any relationship.. be it marriage or friendship requires compromise to be successful. It also requires a great deal of patience. Help him to better understand your desires and how it relates to him.. see things through his eyes and you will go a long way to making him feel comfortable.
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