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Question: How common is the hump and dump mentality?

Dear Lounge Advice,

This problem has happen to my husband and me twice during our two years in the Lifestyle. We meet a great couple and seem to really be hitting off outside of the bedroom. We proceed with the relationship on a sexual level and after the sexual encounter is over my husband and I want to continue the friendship. Our profile clearly indicates that we are looking for a lasting friendship. The trouble is we never hear back from the other couple. We try calling and emailing but in both cases the other couple did not respond. Is this hump and dump attitude common in this lifestyle or are we just expecting too much?

Signed, Bewildered and Confused



Dear (Anonymous),

You need to recognize that once you go from being friends to being intimate you run the risk of jeopardizing the friendship. Things can happen that can make it uncomfortable to be friends.

We are not implying that this is the case in the two situations you mention.. but for example... there have been times when we have been really good friends with a couple and if we become intimate with them and NOT have a good time... it becomes uncomfortable for us.

For example... we are thinking.. what if they wish to "go there" again and we didnt have a good time? Are they always going to be expecting that?.. etc.

Its easy to say that we are all boys and girls and should be able to speak openly to friends.. but the reality is.. it can change things.

Many times we are more comfortable telling good friends that we do not wish to go there as we do not want to do anything that will effect our friendship... it can be a catch-22 at times !

We are not saying that this is what you should do.. we are just saying that you should be aware that bringing things to that next level CAN effect the friendship and its not always a hump and dump.

At the same time, there are those people that are just looking for notches on their bedposts.. but they are usually easy to spot based on their pushing for the "physcial part" We have found that they are the exception rather than the rule...

If someone is that callous as to not even communicate with you at all afterwards.. .then dont take it personally.. .just move on.. things happen.. life happens.. and you really dont know what is going on in their lives at the time.

Remember.. YOU are the only ones that count ! That sounds cold.. but it is the truth.
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