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Question: We are fighting over our own swinging rules that she broke.

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and i have been in the lifestyle for a little over two yers now, haven't done alot but some. She recently went to a couples dance (alone)I had no problems with this, we had discussed what she could do and couldn't do....usually as long as I know what is going on I don't mind what she does...well what she did do was something that we agreed would not happen. Well it has caused a major fight between the both of us, and we can't even discuss it with out getting into a huge argument. I want to know why she thinks it is ok, what happened, and I feel as if I was cheated on and lied to, and just suppose to move on???



Dear (Anonymous),

First of all... the main ingredient that is needed in order to function in the lifestyle is trust... and we can certainly understand why you are so upset with her actions....

As far as her fighting you about it... sometimes people look to transfer blame in order to remove themselves from accepting responsibility for their actions... especially when they are at fault... but this is often just a defense mechanism kicking in...

We only know one side... and can't guess at what she could be saying... other than claiming that there was some sort of miscommunication.

For us... the lifestyle is something we partake in as a couple... for us to have fun as a couple. We think you are playing with fire by allowing her to go alone... some people are secure enough to allow their sig others to see people without them... its hard for us to relate to that... we don't judge them for that.. it just doesnít work for us...

You can tempt a kid in a candy store for just so long...

If you want to find some sort of silver lining in all this... we will tell you that all is not lost... she didnít have to tell you... and she was honest enough to do that... obviously there is something there...

You have to decide if you want to move forward from here on... if so... it is her responsibility to do whatever she can to make you feel more secure... that is the price she has to pay...

And for you... you have to forgive her unconditionally.. That includes no more digs.. innuendo... and sour grapes..
Good Luck... let us know how it goes!
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