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Question: I am starting to feel insecure while my wife is not.. how should I handle this?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for awhile now but have never been as intimate with people as we are now. I have always been the leader in this until now. She is now very into this relationship and I am now scared. I have never had to deal with these emotions. This is very new to me. We are very honest and open with each other even if it hurts. I would never want to take away something just because I am going through mixed emotions. I also know that I am drawned to this on many levels but I am going through a insecure stage in my life. I have gone through a lot of emotional difficulties over the past 2years from family close to me. And I cling to her for support. But I know she has desires and needs also. I find myself seeming very selfish but dont know how to change. I am hurting inside but know that if we back off I will want back on and that to myself seems controlling. I dont want to be the typical male. How should i handle this to be concerning to me, her and the other couple?



Dear (Anonymous),

Be selfish.. be needy.. for goodness sake... who else do you turn to in these times than your wife?

If this is how you are feeling, just imagine how wonderful it will make her feel to know that you are sharing this with her.. that you are so concerned about her that you are willing to suffer to see that she is happy... Do you realize what a statement that makes to her about your feelings towards her?

You need to step back and stop thinking like a guy... cling to her for support.. show her that you are hurting.... and if your relationship is as you say... she will be able to relate to how you are feeling.

It is very admirable for you to say that you dont wish to stop anything that is making her feel good... but the bottom line is that you guys should be in the Lifestyle for BOTH of your enjoyment... and certainly not torment.

You may not feel it now.. but if you continue to keep this bottled down.. you are going to form resentment which is just going to fester and cause huge problems in the future.

Deal with your emotions and your feelings together in a sharing manner that is not threatening to anyone.

You will be much better off !!!
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