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Lifestyle Sexual Advice
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Question: How do you approach a non-swinging friend that you are insterested in her sexually?

Dear Lounge Advice,

Have you ever convinced a longtime non-swinging friend - who you've had a low-heat sexual tension with for years - to join you for group play?

After several glasses of wine all around, we brought up our newfound "hobby" of swinging to a longtime woman friend who was staying with us for a few days. We thought the chances of her saying "really?" and being interested were 60/40... they turned out to be 1/100 - AGAINST.

As we tried to explain, she just kept answering with "I don't believe you're doing that"... "I don't believe you..." "Nahh, you're kidding me."

After about 30 uneasy seconds of this, I said "You're right - we're kidding you" and the evening went on without any problems. Phew!

But I think she knows were were serious. The next time she came to stay, she talked about our new hot tub, saying "When you guys have your fabulous swinger parties in there, you should try this new music I found..."

Maybe she warmed up to the idea between visits. But WE sure aren't going to bring it up - she'll have to pull our clothes off with her teeth before that subject is broached again!

Comments? Experiences?

A. Shocker



Dear (Anonymous),

One thing that is a pretty common occurrence for people in the Lifestyle is that after a while you overcome your fear of the unknown…. You get to a comfort level… and you look at what you are doing as normal…. Being in the Lifestyle is no longer strange.

Then we feel like we can tell other people about it… and expect them to think it is normal… cause we are not doing anything wrong….. and we think that they will accept it… cause we are normal people.

Truth be known… there are many people who look at what we do… and they see it as so bizarre… so culturally taboo.. so morally reprehensible…that there is no way they can accept it. To tell you the truth.. 10 years ago if you would have told us that you were involved in the lifestyle….. Back then even we would have been surprised and called you freaks !”

Of course you are having fun and think this lifestyle is great.. and may even want to get friends involved… just to do them a favor… but unfortunately our society is still wound way too tight about their sexuality… at least the over 30 crowd still is… .but the times are changing…. And the younger folks have grown up more open to the idea.

We think that is why you see so many younger people joining the lifestyle. Even if you go to a straight club where there are younger people… there are a lot more bi-females dancing together and bi curiosity seems more accepted. We find it is always easier to approach a younger girl and ask if she is into women…. They either say yes or no. Do that with a more mature crowd and you get the “what are you kidding” evil eyes.

But we will tell you a lesson that Frankie P, one of the finest men who we ever met, and the founder/owner of the original Plato’s Retreat in NYC told us never to forget, “Remember that for every person you meet in the Lifestyle… you will find 2,000 people who will despise you for what you do.”

As far as your little friend is concerned… she seems to be showing an interest by making those comments… if she makes comments like that again…. what you can do is sit her down and ask her if she has any questions about the lifestyle or what you guys do…. But let it be a response to her bringing it up…

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