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Question: We demand safe sex, but sometimes they don't. What do we do?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We have been in the Swinging lifestyle for a few years now, and we love it...but there has always been a stink on the protection issue from time to time that has us stumped. We require condoms 100% of the time. We don't for oral, as she doesn't finish that way, she finishes by screwing, and a dental damn?!? Enough said on that...and we know that isnt 100% safe. We even use condoms between us prior to a "party" as I feel if she meets someone who wants to go "South of the border", that person doesn't want to know what I taste like :) What stumps us is there are some that completly refuse to use condoms, or have them used. What the hell is up with that? True, wearing one is not on my top 10 list of things to do, but I look at it as respect for the other couple. To me is shows I respect them and want them to be around for any possible repeat encounters for a long time to come. With what is out there that one can catch, we do not understand the problem with using condoms. Sometimes a couple says they only stay in a "close" group and they know everyone...Well, it only takes one person to lie about that, or stray outside of the "group" to bring something in. Sometimes that is the only thing that stops us from being with a couple is that.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Wow… you have to be the most conscientious swingers we have ever met… that wearing condoms in between parties thing is very goodhearted of you….

To some people intercourse is not enjoyable at all with condoms. Those folks have to make difficult decisions. This is an individual choice and although we are big fans of being as safe as we can be…. We are guilty of having oral sex unprotected and then reaching for condoms for intercourse. Are we being disrespectful ?

One thing we feel very strongly about though is respecting others choices that they make. If someone asks you about having sex without a condom… then to us, the actual act of asking you the question is a sign of showing you respect.

We would be hard pressed to accept that if a couple is willing to personally accept the risk of having unprotected sex themselves… that they are being disrespectful to you by making that personal choice. Unless of course they are trying to coerce you in any way.

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