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Question: How can you tell who is real and who is fake?

Dear Lounge Advice,
we saw your site and wanted to thank you both for the great advice. your site led to the lifestyle lounge and our new membership here.
our question: what sets your "alarm bells" off?
we're looking for the tips/tools/inside info to phoneys and fakes, pix collectors, any other scam related stuff. what should we watch out for as new couples in the lifestyle? we are not the type to be talked into anything we aren't comfortable with; however, we recognize we may be led down the wrong road by some folks wishing to take advantage of our newness.


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Thank you very much for your nice compliments.. we are glad that you found our site helpful !

As far as the alarm bells or red flags are concerned... we think you are asking two types of questions... in one you are looking for online red flags... and one you are asking about red flags when meeting people in person.

As far as online fakes and phonies.. they are rampant.. usually the best way to avoid fakes is to ask for a telephone gender confirmation. We have been online so long we have developed a 6th sense (no we don't see dead swingers) but we need to listen to our own advice once in a while.

Anyway... in an IM or Email correspondence with someone we will absolutely write someone off if they give us any kinds of "no-picture" excuse. You dont need a scanner anymore.. you can bring pics to any Walgreens nowadays... and they have a self service scanner... 5 pics for $5 and they even give you the diskette.

If someone does send you a naked pic... and it seems fishy or looks too professional... ask them if they have a g-rated pic in clothes... if they send you a clothed pic.. ask for another one... fakers rarely have several pics. When all else fails... ask for the telephone confirmation.

Other online couples can also be very helpful.. dont be afraid to ask around.

As far as in person... the best way to avoid any problems is to communicate...be upfront... and honest with people... volunteer information about your ground rules.. your limitations.. and if either of you get any kinds of bad vibes... move on.. go with your own gut feelings.

In the beginning its also good to step back from the situation and just observe people. Watch their communication especially non-verbal... we can only speak for ourselves... but for us.. if the male is the agressor at all.. or has "mr. hands" syndrome.. we usually try to avoid them.

You can usually pick out those who are respectful and honest... unfortunately you have to experience the opposite in order to understand exactly what we are talking about...

Bottom line... have fun... and remember... no means no !!

Let us know how it goes...
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