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Question: Am I wrong?

Dear Lounge Advice,
When my wife and I first started in the lifestyle,we had an agreement about our fantasies. If I had mine, then she would have hers. Well mine happened to play out first, a FMF threesome that was absolutely incredible. About a month later, she had hers play out, a MFM that was equally awesome. We both still talk with the others involved but have not "played" since.
Since then, all situations have seemed to be more to her liking. Mrs has had great sucsess and a great time meeting single men and male halves of couples. Even though she says she is comfortable, she is straight and has no desire in women sexually. I have watched her "perform" with other men at various bar meets and a private party or two. Even though we go home together, it has seemed to me on a few occasions that she forgets I'm there. I am usually pretty reserved in a large group setting, unless I know someone there. She loves to be the center of attention, and loves the attention she gets. I do flirt, I flirt quite a bit with women - singles and married, however it never seems to expand beyond that for me.
My question is: Should I get of the fence and try harder for myself or should I just be happy that she is getting hers? Should I "take one for the team"? Or is it really all about the women in the lifestyle and wait for them to approach me?
Am I wrong for feeling frustrated that she is getting more out of this than me?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

No one should be "taking one" for the team.
That is extremely degrading to yourself and unfair to the partners that you are sharing yourself with.

If you are not happy or comfortable with your current situation and feelings in the lifestyle...then you need to be honest to yourself and your wife about it.

Sometimes it a good thing to take a break from the lifestyle when things get confusing or one of you is feeling left out or jealous.

You,your wife and your family should always come first above and beyond the lifestyle. The lifestyle really should be more of a fringe benefit to your relationship, not something that causes bad feelings or emotions.

There is no "miracle cure" for how you are feeling.
Ask your wife what her honest opinion is about how you are feeling...she knows you better than anyone else.
Listen to what she has to say and then maybe the two of you together can explore how to make the lifestyle a more enjoyable experience for both of you.

By all means do not continue to just "go along with things" if you are not having any fun.
It will only create a larger problem than the one you have described...and eventually could cause some very serious problems in your marriage .

Most observant couples can tell when a couple is not playing happily...and many times that is why one or both of the partners you may be interested in may tend to stay away or not show any interest.

Get off the fence....take care of yourself and your wife...and play with your friends later.

Sincerely,


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