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Question: He wants to play but I do not- What is fair?

Dear Lounge Advice,
My boyfriend and I are new to the lifestyle, excited and ready for fun. But I have my doubts about it, I look at profiles and chat with couples but I havent found any of the husband or boyfriends attractive. And I feel that if I dont want to do anything with the guy my boyfriend shouldnt do anything with the girl to be fair.
I am into girls but I would feel bad to not want a couples male touch me. What should I do?



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Neither of you should be "taking one" for the team just to please your partner or the other couples partner.
This never works and usually causes some serious problems in the relationship the longer it goes on.

It might be helpful for you two to establish some basic ground rules for "playing" until you both gain some more exposure to the lifestyle together.

For example: If one of you does not want to play then no one plays... unless explicit permission is given by the non playing partner.

If you want to play with just the girl of the other couple...make sure she understands your position and have her relay this to her male partner before you enter a "play" period and make sure to end the "play" session if everyone is not behaving as agreed upon in advance.
If you are comfortable letting the men watch...invite them to watch.
If you change you mind and want both of their company...invite them to join you.

Remember...every couple has their own "play" etiquette...so not all couples will react the same depending on what you approach them with for "play" plans.

The more experience you get in the lifestyle the more your "play" rules may adapt and change for what you are both comfortable with.

Any decisions to "play" with others should always be discussed, acceptable and not forced for both of you.

Sincerely,


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