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Question: I am confused by her mixed signals

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I have been involved in the lifestyle for two years.

Sometimes my wife has felt at ease and can be quite wild and enjoy the entire lifestyle experience.

More often than not, she freaks out. She covers her face with a pillow so she can't see me enjoy myself with the other women. She grabs me while she is making love with the male partner and squeezes me until marks are left on my arm. She tries to blame the male and say he wasn't that good and that my female partner was better, too aggressive, younger, too quick etc....

On the other hand I love to watch her make love to the man or other women. When I tell her we should take a break, she insists that we shouldn't. Not sure what to do??? The lifestyle makes me wilder for my wife and I think it has been positive. I am confused by her mixed signals. Any recommendations?



Dear (Anonymous),

It sounds like you two need to have an open conversation about how you both are really feeling about the lifestyle and playing with others.

Open and fair communication is vital to having a healthy relationship in general...but even more important in the lifestyle.

Instead of telling her you think you two should take a break( which you two very well may need to work this out)....tell her that you are concerned that she is not enjoying the lifestyle based off some of her actions at times.

Ask her to try to explain to you what is going on in her thoughts when she is playing with others.

Usually...when some one blames another for their problem...they are not telling you what they really are thinking.

It sounds like with the right couple she is comfortable and wild.

It's possible that sometimes she may be playing with someone she is uncomfortable with just for the sake of pleasing you....also referred to as "taking one for the team".

She needs to understand that she is completely free to say no at any time with out you getting frustrated, disappointed....or thinking any less of her.


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