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Question: How do you deal with a possessive couple?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We have been in the life for about 6 years and absolutely could not imagine life any other way. About 8 months ago, we met a couple who seemed very nice. Unfortunately, they have gotten VERY possessive. It has gotten to the point that the last time we played I hurriedly got both of them "off" so we could leave sooner. The last few socials we've gone to she freaks if I talk to anyone else. We've been members of this club for 5 years and of course know most everyone. It's extremely difficult to meet anyone else with her standing over me and literally crying. My husband is all for the "just tell them to F off" approach. I'm not that rude. How can I nicely tell them that we WILL NOT be with them anymore without her totally coming unglued? We'd appreciate any advice you can give us on the matter.




Dear (Anonymous),

Many times before we have expressed that there is a potential danger of getting too close to one particular couple, as emotional ties can become very strong. Unfortunately this is just another example. For us…. this is all about fun… with no emotions getting involved. We hate being involved in melodramas in the Lifestyle… and it sounds like you have enough for a miniseries here.

Based on the situation that you are explaining, there doesn’t seem that there is any way for you to break away from them without her becoming “unglued.” The only thing you can control is where and when you do tell her, as to allow her to have her emotional breakdown and not make a scene in front of others…. And ruin your night.

We would strongly suggest you make plans to speak with her in private, and at least several days or as long before the next social as you can. Don’t talk about her hovering over you or making scenes, etc…. just be direct in your desire not to pursue any further physical relationship with them… and… that is time for both of you to move on.

You can explain to them that you are getting too close to them and you are afraid it will jeopardize your relationship with each other... And not talking about any other couples.

You sound like you are very kind hearted in wanting to be gentle with this couple and that is very admirable. But it comes to a point where a little “tough love” is needed.

And never forget..this is all about fun with you and your spouse..and when it stops being fun and feeling good....well... it's time to move on, or put an end to it...

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