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Question: I can't stop feeling insecure about this situation. What do I do?

Dear Lounge Advice,
We are really interested in the lifestyle, but we have a problem. We have had a couple of 3somes (fmf), and we both enjoyed it until I started paying wayyy too much attention to him and her having sex. He looked like he was enjoying it too much and it looked more like they were making love. He says I'm exaggerating but I still feel hurt. At one point, I think they forgt I was even there. I don't want to leave the lifestyle, but I can't stop feeling insecure about this situation. What do I do?



Dear (Anonymous),

It sounds like you are just being a little insecure and perhaps a tiny bit jealous when you see your husband enjoying himself with another partner.

Try looking at him enjoying himself as a turn on and a good thing rather than a threat, especially if you he adores and respects you in your marriage and home life.

Some people get pretty involved during playtime so don't feel left out just because he isn't giving you his full attention while he is playing with someone else.

Once either of you start to dictate to the other how each other is allowed to feel or behave during full swap play you begin to take the fun and pleasure away from the experience,. That will lead to confusion and animosity within your relationship.

Having some basic ground rules for playtime is fine and usually very helpful...but too many rules can ruin the experience for everyone.
The lifestyle is about exploring, experiencing and enjoying each other with other people.
If both of you are only allowed to display passion with each other exclusively ..you probably won't enjoy play times very much...and neither will your play time partners.

If you are experiencing the same feelings outside of the lifestyle with your husband than it sounds like something is causing you to feel insecure about your relationship with him.

Talk to your husband more about how you are feeling, openly and honestly.
Good communication is the key to any relationship, especially for couples in the lifestyle.

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