We try to keep all first 2 on 2 meetings with a new couple as strictly social so that nobody feels they need to make a decision that night. If there is a second meeting, we expect it will be a full swap sex. So in that sense we have clear expectations and voice them in advance. Maybe it is easier for a couple to meet us knowing that there is no possibility of play that night. Plus it frees up a lot more times to meet, say a post work happy hour or dinner.
There are also a ton of tells on who the flakes are going to be if you pay attention to correspondence. The less they write, is a good tell. If people can't invest time to write a decent email in their efforts to "get into your pants" odds are they are not going to be very respectful of your time either. Inability to commit to a time and location is also a huge tell. If they can't plan to meet you, they won't be able to plan to fuck you later.
We don't get the anti planning folks, part of the fun is the anticipation about what is to come. We greatly prefer to know it is going to be social only or play likely so that we prepare ourselves accordingly. Then again, we don't leave the house without knowing where we are going. Being in the mood...this is fun, not a mood thing. If we are sick or dealing with a real life stress issue we can cancel. If we are leaving the house to play, we are already in the mood and when we plan fun the anticipation gets us in the mood, then again we just like sex and don't need to be seduced.
I feel like sometimes the allegiance to going with the flow, not planning, etc... is just laziness. People hate to put in the leg work to find folks, set times and places, prep as needed and then go out to actively make it happen...it can be work like at times. Who wouldn't want instantaneous gratification without much effort...but our experience has been that putting in the leg work up front creates a better and more successful experience than not, that is if you point is to actually meet people and play with them. Maybe the effort up front is why we never complain about how hard it is to find great quantity of quality playmates with four way connections for sex...our biggest issue is too many people and not enough time to enjoy them all. We all create our experiences, good and bad.
Richard