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   Harems?  

MADISON, WI
4/14/2011 20:57
Posted By:  - MADISON, WI  
 
Date Posted: 4/14/2011 20:57
  
So I was up at 3 AM last night...both shoulders were really screaming last after rehab and I could not sleep and I didn't want to take any pain meds...and I watched this piece about The Great Pharaohs and it talked about one young Pharaoh to be whose father (Ceti??) gave him a harem as a gift  So he had 20 children at a young age even before he took over Egypt.

And it really got me to thinking...first off, my father never gave me any cool gifts. 

Secondly, exactly how does one go about getting a harem?  Is there a form or an office like DMV?  I bet there is a really long waiting list and I really do not like lines, but I might be willing to line up for a harem. 

What does the harem do when you are not around?  If I am out playing golf, what do they do to keep busy?  Am I responsible for their constant entertainment...even when I am not there to "entertain?"

My attention span is really horrible.  How do you concentrate or focus on what 30 women are saying to you at once?  One of them is bound to catch that I am really thinking that Guano Boy would have been a pretty funny sidekick name instead of Robin and I bet Batman would have laughed at that...so what was I...yeah, harems....  
 
What if I bring another woman home?  Does the harem get mad and give me the cold shoulder?  When I ask what is wrong, do I have 30 or so women responding in unison, "Nothing."  And am I still an asshole (times 30) because I take them at their word and don't keep asking until they are ready to crack and tell me what is wrong?  And exactly how do you convince 30 women to finally tell you what is wrong?  And do you have to listen to all 30 tell you what is wrong, or can you designate a harem spokeswoman?  And will suggesting we designate a harem spokeswoman get me killed?

What happens when we go out to eat?  As I said, I hate lines and there is usually a two to three hour wait at Bonefish for a party of two on Saturday night.  I really like the pine nuts on their salads.  That has nothing to do with harems, but I just really like their salads.  How long would I have to wait to get a table for a party of 30?  And do I have to do the game with each member of the harem where they ask what sounds good and I tell them I am good with anything but they keep asking until I finally apply some effort and decide on steak and then they say (after 20 minutes of trying to get me to get a craving for some specific type of food), "while I was thinking Indian food sounded good."  Really?  Then why didn't you just say Indian food and save me 20 minutes (times 30) of my life! 

And the entire synchronous period thing terrifies the hell out of me.  I have heard the life expectancy of a 1st Lt. in Vietnam was 35 seconds.  Something tells me my odds would be much worse.

Am I required to give gifts to each member of the harem for things like birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, etc.?  I (and this is no joke) have been married since 1994 and I have forgotten our anniversary at least 10 times, and her birthday at least 6.  And we were married on January 1 and she was born the day after I was.  I don't do so well with dates, lines and dates...not my strong suit.

And what about my friends?  They know I have beer and chips in my garage and I can't keep them out of there.  And they never return my tools.  If I had a harem, I would probably lose way more beer and chips.  And if it takes six months to get back my spare gas can and a planer, how long does it take to get back a 5'10" blond with double Ds?  

I mean, don't get me wrong.  I really really like the sound and idea of having a harem.  The unlimited sex, the wild times, the animalistic hedonistic fun...but something tells me, there are a lot of mighty big catches.  Maybe I am better off with a salad. 



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